I don’t know how to write this and the reason I am writing is not for my own understanding but for those around me.
This past weekend I had a miscarriage.
I was only four weeks along and it was thankfully painless.
Since then people have continued to ask how I am, how I am feeling, or if I am okay. The answer is that I am good, I feel normal, and yes I am okay. This of course sparks the conversation about how strong I am. No I am not strong, I believe in a God who is strong.
Psalm 121:1-2 1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
These are the verses that explains the strength I have found.
So no I am not strong and yes I did cry. I could spend the rest of my life focusing on what could have been or I can wake up knowing there was a reason I didn’t get to hold that baby in my arms. I am young and miscarriage is sadly normal. I am not saying that it isn’t right for some people to take longer to mourn their loss, but the circumstances may be different and they are a different person. I however need to look to the future and find hope in the children I will get to hold in my hands and be thankful for the angel waiting for me in heaven.
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens: 2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
These verses are the reason I can accept the loss of this baby. He has told us that there is a time for everything, including the living and dying, mourning and weeping, the laughing and dancing. What I love about this is that there isn’t a time limit put on how long you need to spend experiencing each season. So yes I am okay and that is allowed.
I normally blog to get my emotions out, it helps me heal. Today I have already healed and I think the reason I need to blog is to help those around me heal. So to those around me please find peace in knowing our family is okay. We have a God who loves us and will protect us and a beautiful little boy who can’t help but make you smile. So until we are blessed with another little one we will enjoy him and be thankful for his gift of life.