Do not worry about anything, Pray about everything.

I need to write this because until I do the thoughts will continue to run around inside my head and I will continue to focus on the “what ifs” not what is right in front of my face.

On February 26, 2013 I went to my doctor to find out what was causing the pain in my breast. I expected the worst (and still do). She was concerned and printed a request for a mammogram and stated that it was to be booked ASAP. When I went home and talked with my husband about all of this we made the decision to not focus on the “what ifs”, we decided it wasn’t going to benefit our family to think or talk about them because at the end of the day what if it wasn’t anything?

That was 37 days ago.

On March 25, 2013 I went back to her. I still didn’t have an appointment for my mammogram and she was floored. She printed another request underlined and highlighted the ASAP and handed it to her receptionist and told her to call everyone she needed to and make sure I got an appointment. The next day I received a phone call that my appointment was April 16, 2013.

49 days from my original appointment. By the time I get my results it will be 2 months of waiting and not knowing.

This week I was feeling overwhelmed by the wait, the unknown, the possibilities. I hit my breaking point and let the “what ifs” flow freely into my head.

What if I have cancer…

What if we just wasted 2 months…

What if we can never have anymore kids…

What if I get so weak I can’t even hold my sweet boy…

What if I have to spend months in the hospital…

What happens to my husband and son…

What if I have to have surgery…

What if I die…

 

The “what ifs” have consumed me but for what? I have wasted an entire day letting them eat me up, letting them get between my marriage, and letting them allow me to avoid my faith and belief in Jesus.

I believe in a God who is says in Philippians 4 verse 6 – Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God.

So now that I have kicked the “what ifs” out of my head I will pray for peace, for strength over the next month, for some of the best days with my family, for guidance, and for the knowledge that it is His will being done.

So there it is. There is my moment of weakness in this battle. However tomorrow is a new day and I have faith that no matter what is thrown at our family it has come for a reason and we will be given the strength to fight it.

 

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